What if..

Time really passes by so quickly .. i did not realise that i have not updated this blog for such a long time. If only I can turn back time..

It's funny how whenever I'm in my darkest moment that I chose to write ..be it in my diary or here. Whenever I had so much in my mind that sleep eludes me. At time like this, I can’t help but feel helpless because there is no way I can fall asleep anymore ; absolutely nothing ‘cept taking sleeping tablets.

So many “what ifs” run through my mind.
What if I approach it differently?
What if I gave it a chance?
What if I just bear with it and not question it so much?
What if …
If only I can stop looking back and kept asking these what ifs.

I hate it that all these questions kept running around in my head.
In my mind I know what I should do, what I HAVE to do … that there is no point in me looking back but my heart never listens to my mind. My mind says go but my heart says stay. Argh..the complexities..

I felt bad ..real bad because once I’m in this condition, no one can help me.. I just need time to heal ..maybe, I think. But this is when I shut everyone out from my life, friends and family. Just felt the need to be alone, to reflect, and to heal. Do I think this is a good idea? No ..of course not …but I prefer it this way.

I'll be ok.